stranger

No one understands a deep fear in me like it was located permanently. I was afraid of all the possible exception of horrors. My mother loved. Like the smell, I loved her voice caressing as she hugs and tries to quiet my nightmares. This sweet memory from my childhood. Then I had a particularly bitter memories. I've always been an unwanted deviation in any environment I got into it. I always thought differently than others. When I was little I did not know to shut up. I did not know to play the game and suffered impersonation.
Now I remembered as a sweet memory nor the embracing him eagerly. Lunch. The postman brings a letter to my mother and I got hired a gifted class. My mother hugged me and stuck phlegm kiss on the cheek. We both did not know then how will suffer the gifted class. They were all there intelligent than average but still everyone thought and behaved differently from me. Exceptional children do not like me they hated. I hated myself. Why should I be an exception? I wanted to be like everyone else. This was before the whole thing happened. Gifted class was essentially a boarding school, founded in the wake of the Education Committee's conclusions. Education officials were concerned that gifted children who live away from each other socially and casualties recommended the pattern of a boarding school. Not that it helped me I was not socially outcast more if I lived on the moon. When the great fire broke out accusing fingers were referred automatically to me. I stood against the wall wanting to blend in with wallpaper on it. True I caused fire but they had no proof. Wearing the heaviest armor in my attempts to break away and ignore the arrows of accusations against me, but this armor was worthless when Shlomi pointed at me accusingly. Shlomi was the only teacher who treated me as a student standard. Sometimes even gave me a good word, absorbed in me that wonderful feeling of water washing arid land Casual absorbed into her eternal dry cracks. Now I felt betrayed when Shlomi stood in front of me pointing threat "is lighter!", I expected the Peaceful rescue to protect me and not to be prime accusers. Recognition that the teacher entered the understanding, the object of my fantasies. Shlomi my love, is a normal person like everyone else, who smiled at me just as a courtesy. Split shell exploded with anger. Gone to pieces the first time I was ushered into the Mossad.
Six new institution taught me how to incitement. I wore facade presented by me as belonging to the enemy camp. Just a girl last normative breakdown. My mother came to pick me up. She looked at me suspiciously. She knew me better than anyone else, but my misleading appearance was perfect. Sometimes question whether I had also an impostor? Thus a new chapter in my life. Lonely as a spy in the enemy camp I want disowned her. People thought I was a girl with no emotions. Wearing armor to protect myself from the other submissions, too blocked churning inside me. A smart girl with no emotions and reminded them of a robot. The fact that I was considered above average beautiful girl they justified to call me 'Sufrmnykin'. Tried to cover my intelligence by silences, it did not help me much. Spoon long silences about myself instead of answering, reinforced the image of a frozen doll shop window without emotion. Some thought silences indicate a child thinks wisdom, according to the saying 'deafening wise fool also considered. I preferred the image of Avila on the image of wisdom and arrogant. I tried to imitate the chattering stupidity models themselves to know, without success. This foolish chatter acquired talent long years of practice. This could usually briefly, but soon the conversation topics Ahvenleime on clothing vicious gossip about their friends, bored me to disgust. I was going down again in one of those silences to keep my nausea Mlpervc block the armor and spray them bursts of tracer bullets to stem the words in their mouths. The company I used to sit in the back room far from the lamp is silent, dressed in casual clothing that blurs my shape, still trying not to stand out. Try not to listen to the call to amuse myself thinking, while maintaining a frozen facial expression in order not to betray my thoughts. Just 'Sufrmnykin. Those accused of a lack of emotion do not know how wrong they are. Tough armor built concealed lava bubbling emotions that stand to break out the smallest crack Armored Unit, remember to be found.
The next crisis was also associated with Shlomi.
Shlomi would visit us once a week, to see if she's okay, 'she' is me. I waited for these visits however I suffered terribly. Of course I have not seen it, the Sufrmnykin, wearing armor remained frozen. But the armor was about to explode from stress emotions. I was playing with myself ranking emotions. Of course I was jealous. I was jealous when another student wrong response when I knew the answer. True I did not vote, but I knew that if I were turning points at me. I 'Present Absentee. Over jealousy was me angry. Mostly angry at myself and anger worst. But these feelings parade first place was fear.
Really did not understand the Shlomi. Why he betrayed me? Why did he come now to visit me? My mother was offering him a cup of coffee and a slice of cake and they would talk to each other about things on the cheap. I sat at the table, sipping coffee in small sips and says nothing. Occasionally he would look at me, my mother was trying to incorporate me in conversation, but I kept quiet. I was burning inside the question "Why is he cheated on me?" The pressure grew inside me, why he betrayed me? " One day I felt I could not stop the pressure anymore. I got up and ran to my room dark then he came into my room and locked the door.
"I know you're an imposter," he said quietly. I was silent.
"Get it. Admit you were different." Silence.
"We're different and we have to cooperate." Still silence. It wanted to break out of me .. I held him tight I gritted my teeth. Almost burst reading 'No! I do not want to be like you! But fortunately at the last moment before I burst is turned, turned off the light and left. It took me a long time before I had calmed down.
I must be careful. Hostile people around me who think like me. I was wearing a camouflage outfit appearances. Why is everyone so stupid? Why they do not see the truth? I had one friend that I could put the trust and talk to him openly. Shlomi already betrayed me once and who knows if his words are a trap to expose me. I was pleased to welcome the darkness that enveloped me in isolation shield. I wore the outer shell was not hard enough to reach the common pressure of Shlomi and my mother in broad daylight.
Suddenly I was aware of my health and my mother both sides, lifting me gently and transfer me here, to our original home, the place is protected from humans.